MY PREGNANCY, LABOUR, DELIVERY, AND POSTPARTUM JOURNEY - Part 1
And Why I Decided To Start New Mums Room As A Mother Of Two Under Two
I gave birth to my son about 21 months ago, and I remember everything. From pregnancy to labour to delivery and postpartum/the fourth trimester.
Pregnancy
When I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t have any pregnancy symptoms. At about 5 or 6 weeks, the symptoms came, and I was unprepared for them. If I’m being honest, I’m not sure anyone can prepare you for pregnancy symptoms, but I realized that I just hadn’t been privy to conversations about pregnancy symptoms.
There is still this unspoken stigma about talking about pregnancy symptoms and how awful they can be.
Everyone dreams and prays for a symptomless, smooth-sailing pregnancy. Oh, I prayed for that. And I continued to pray and speak over my body. I would play audio notes my friend had sent me when I was too weak to utter the words myself.
I learned a few things about my pregnancy symptoms -
Morning sickness doesn’t just mean throwing up in the morning. Morning sickness can also mean throwing up any time of the day. It can also mean experiencing nausea all day. I didn’t throw up, but I had nausea all day, and this led to a loss of appetite. I was scared of eating anything that would make it worse.
Don’t beat yourself up if the only foods you can eat in the first trimester are unhealthy foods. When I found out I was pregnant, I went shopping for a lot of healthy, organic food. In the year leading up to my pregnancy, I became more intentional about food and what I was eating. I started eating much healthier to prepare my body for pregnancy, so I figured I would take it up a notch when I got pregnant. Let’s just say all the healthy food I bought remained uneaten in my fridge. I couldn’t stomach any of it. I had an aversion to water because I could barely swallow it. Sips of Sprite and ginger drinks helped.
Acid reflux sometimes feels like you have a huge giant golf ball in your throat. At least, that’s how mine felt. I was constantly chewing gum when I wasn’t eating because that was the only thing that lessened the feeling of the golf ball in my throat.
I was very ‘weepy’. I cried over anything and everything. Darn hormones.
You can have multiple cravings over time. I had a new craving every week, and if my husband went to look for it and couldn’t find it, I felt like my whole world was ending.
You may feel like your mouth is always full of saliva. I didn’t generate enough saliva to spit constantly, but I couldn’t believe how much saliva secretion increased.
My sense of smell went through the roof. I could ‘smell a rat’ miles away. Pun intended. I had to wear a mask indoors when my husband was cooking. Cooking was a no-go area for me. I would leave the living room when my husband came in with his food. I couldn’t go out of the house for fear of smelling someone’s perfume and feeling my tummy heave. It was horrendous.
I was peeing A LOT. I had no idea that increased peeing in the first trimester was a thing. I thought that only happened in the third trimester because of the pressure on the bladder.
The worst pregnancy symptom for me was pregnancy fatigue. It felt like my bones were a weighted blanket, all of them. I had never heard about pregnancy fatigue before. I thought I would just feel tired. Pregnancy fatigue feels very different.
Many of these symptoms surprised me. These things were not discussed in my circles.
I know many new mothers don’t always speak openly about these things because they don’t want to be called negative or fear-mongering. But we owe to those coming after us to know what is possible but to also understand that these possibilities are not absolutes.
The Village
I got through the first trimester with my husband and mum's support. My husband took on everything. Also, taking long walks to get me the things I craved at the time. My mum lived quite close and would make a fruit salad, the type I could stomach, in the mornings. I would spend my days lying on her bed or couch before returning to mine.
Being mothered by my mother as I became a mother helped me get through that time.
As I entered the second trimester, I slowly got my energy back. I suddenly understood at the time, why they call it “the golden trimester”; everything returned to normal. I had boundless energy right up until I gave birth. For this, I was grateful.
Labour and Delivery
As a first-time mum, I was not at all prepared for the pain of labour. I had done my research on birthing practices, what happens in your body when you go into labour, and breathing exercises for labour, but this was a new kind of pain, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had an epidural, but it wore out towards the end, so I felt everything before my son finally came out. I opted for an episiotomy because I was desperate for him to come out, and anything that could make that process faster was welcomed. My birth plan went out the window. There was no skin-to-skin because the cord was wrapped around my son’s neck a few times, and he wasn’t breathing, so he was whisked away to be suctioned. Apparently, he was in distress and swallowed a lot of meconium, so there was a lot of suctioning. I didn’t mind. I was just glad he was out. I was so relieved that I burst into tears as soon as the doctor pulled him out. My husband went with him and prayed over him, as we had discussed earlier, while I was getting stitched up. That phase was over, and now postpartum had begun.
Postpartum - The Fourth Trimester
I was determined to do exclusive breastfeeding, but my son didn’t latch initially. I believe he was exhausted from the long labour, and so was I. It was then I realised that breastfeeding wasn’t entirely straightforward for everyone. For many women. My friend had stayed the night through my labour and delivery, and she helped us make a bottle. She also went with me to take my first pee while my husband stayed with my son. A very valued member of my village at the time, and I was grateful for her presence.
The days following that are a bit of a blur now, but I remember having a few crying meltdowns in the bathroom. My son eventually latched, although he had a tongue-tie that the doctors cut after a week. Breastfeeding continued to be painful, and I was grateful that I was combi-feeding.
No one told me that when he latched, I would feel my stitches pull *real tears*.
I watched videos and tried different positions, but nothing worked. He also wasn’t interested in taking breastmilk from a bottle, only formula. Babies ay? At the time, I didn’t think about seeing a lactation consultant. I didn’t know of any in my city, so I laboured on, dreading breastfeeding sessions. It did get easier a few months in, and I started enjoying it, till he lost interest a few months after and weaned himself.
The fourth trimester is very jarring. It can come as a shock to everything you know and everything you are. It can be very, VERY hard. You are responsible for this little unpredictable human that you don’t know. And you have to get to know them while they rely on you for EVERYTHING, while you’re healing from birth. The rollercoaster of emotions that come with each success and each failure can be hard on your psyche.
You may not ‘fall in love’ with your baby immediately. There’s nothing wrong with you if this happens. For some mothers, love comes immediately, while for some, it grows over time.
I didn’t fall in love with my son immediately. I just felt hugely responsible for him. My love for him grew over time.
My sister asked me how I was doing postpartum. I thought about it for a minute. I said, ‘To be honest, I’m not doing badly. The hardest part for me is the healing of my body.’ However, some of this was my fault. I wasn’t staying on top of my painkillers, and it took me ages to sit in warm water and Epsom salt. These two together gave me a lot of relief, but in the early days, I neglected myself. I said what I said to my sister because I had a village. I had postpartum support. I had help. I had my husband, my mother, and I had a housekeeper. My baby was well cared for. I just needed to heal physically for the time being. Healing in other ways, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually came later and took much longer.
The need for a village for new mums is non-negotiable. It should be thought well and hard about before becoming a new mum. Planning for a new baby should also include planning for a supportive village. Every new mum deserves support.